
I was feeling not my best - I'm on a bulk right now meaning that I am actively eating a few hundred extra calories a day to fuel muscle growth. While my bulk is a lean bulk, as opposed to people who go hard on bulking and put on a good deal of extra fat along with muscle, it still leaves me feeling puffy and not totally like myself. Looking in a change room mirror is pretty much the last thing you want/need to do when you're already feeling kinda tubby but damn it, I'd just discovered Joe Fresh less than 5 minutes from my house and I was going to try on their many, many clearance items even if it killed me!

I used to wear a size 14. I used to get red face all the time from carrying my weight around. I used to get winded going up stairs. I used to be able to run at 4.0 on the treadmill and nothing higher (a speed that is a comfortable walk for me now). I used to say no to things I wanted to do but was afraid I'd look stupid doing because I was overweight. I used to feel inferior to other women in better shape than me. I used to binge and starve to try to get skinny (not healthy, not fit, skinny). I used to wonder if people talked about me being fat. I used to fear wearing a bathing suit in front of people. I used to think I couldn't change.
But I did. I got healthier. I got fitter. And as a by product, I got skinnier. But insecurities run deep and frankly some times I just need perspective! So to that girl one change room over, for one, I saw you outside the change room and you look great. And two, congrats on getting into those jeans you thought you couldn't. And three, thank you for bitch-slapping some sense and perspective into my thick head. I needed that.
Do you have trouble seeing your true size?
Do you suffer from fears about your looks/size/weight?
As your mother I say...stop beating yourself up! As another who has had the same feelings a different times I say I hear you! Back to the mother role - you are strong and healthy, smart and funny...in short fabulous. As a fellow shopper I say check out Joe's fall line. Some really nice stuff.
ReplyDeleteFirst things first, yep...I'm liking what Joe has this year! I got some of their jeans - just the regular ones, dark blue and they fit so well (ok minus the muffin top but I only have 3 more weeks bulking and a lot more than 3 weeks of too hot for jeans weather!). The colored jeans they had weren't great right now - all cropped - not a good look for me!
DeleteBut seriously, I know I can be so hard on myself - I mean we all can but how I can motivate others to love their bodise enough to eat well and exercise for health, not just looks, if I am not treating myself that way? I need to get back to stopping myself whenever negativity comes out of my mouth - when I did that a few years back and even forced myself to say something positive whenever I wanted to be negative, I felt so much better!
I bought the black on black polka dot jeans! Actually they are more like legging in a way. Jean style! I have to put tem at home to see if I still like them tho! Yes positivity is back
DeleteI loved those ones too! Need to go back and try them on.
DeleteI agree with your Mom...I may have to bitch-slap you!
ReplyDeleteI definitely need it sometimes! Perspective can be tough!
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