Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Rebounding and Finding Your Way Back

This is a hard post for me to write. For a long while after my show I had no issues with rebounding. I ate more, trained hard, stayed lean and then I don't know...it got harder to stay lean and I stopped trying. I hate to say it like that because I wanted to think I was trying - I was still training, maybe harder than ever, but I was all over the place with my diet. I'd be right on my macros for a week, then I'd be eating everyone's macros and then some for a week!

I thought I had balance.

I thought I had it figured out.

I thought I had successfully competed and returned to normal life.

I thought a lot of stuff...until I woke up and nothing fit right and I felt gross. Now, I am not crazy. I am not saying I am fat or that I made no progress in the last year. I know for sure I put on muscle...but did I put on 15-20lbs of muscle (the amount I am up from the show weight)? Of course not. Not even close. As a woman, if I put on even 5lbs of  muscle in the past year, it's a bloody miracle.

I found myself avoiding things - like this blog, like seeing people who only knew me in show prep, not wanting to wear certain things. I felt uncomfortable. I felt ashamed. I felt like people would be judging me. I wasn't happy.

So I officially signed on with a new trainer this week. Why? Because I miss having a goal but even more because I believe in this trainer. He is an advocate of #iifym (If It Fits Your Macros) or flexible dieting like I am. Because he, like me, believes fitness and even competing can fit your life, without having to be your whole life. Do I know the technicalities of weight loss? Sure. But I am not a contest prep trainer and I like accountability. I want to prove to myself and others that you can compete, have fun, do well and not rebound.

Last year was just a warm up, this year is the big show!

Have you competed? Did your rebound?

What is the hardest part of weight loss for you?

(stay tuned for more on healthy competing, what to look for in a trainer and warnings signs that you're eating become disordered - all things I have dealt with in the last year!)

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